475 things to do when you’re bored

– Wax the ceiling
– Rearrange political campaign signs
– Sharpen your teeth
– Play Houdini with one of your siblings
– Braid your dog’s hair
– Clean and polish your belly button
– Water your dog…see if he grows
– Wash a tree
– Knight yourself
– Name your child Edsel
– Scare Stephen King
– Give your cat a mohawk
– Purr
– Mow your carpet
– Play Pat Boone records backwards
– Vacuum your lawn
– Sleep on a bed of nails
– DON’T toss and turn
– Boil ice cream
– Run around in squares
– Think of quadruple entendres
– Speak in acronyms
– Have your pillow X-rayed
– Drink straight shots…of water
– Calmly have a nervous breakdown
– Give your goldfish a perm
– Fly a brick
– Play tag…on West 35th Street
– Exorcise a ghost
– Exercise a ghost
– Be blue
– Be red
– But don’t be orange
– Plant a shoe
– Sweat
– Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
– Turn
– Write a letter to Plato
– Mail it
– Take your sofa for a walk
– Start
– Stop
– Dial 911 and breathe heavily
– Go to a funeral…tell jokes
– Play the piano…with mittens on
– Scheme
– Sit
– Stay
– Water your family room
– Cause a power failure
– Roll over
– Play dead
– Find a witch
– Burn her
– Donate your brother’s body to science
– Ask why
– Wriggle
– Regress
– Sleepwalk without sleeping
– Try to join Hell’s Angels by mail
– Wonder
– Be a square root
– Ask stupid questions
– Weld your car doors shut
– Spew
– Vacation at Three-Mile Island
– Surf Ohio
– Teach your pet rock to play dead
– Go bowling for small game
– Be a monk…for a day
– Wear a sweatband to your wedding
– Staple
– Run away
– Intimidate a piece of chalk
– Abuse the plumbing
– Bend a florescent light
– Bend a brick
– Annoy total strangers
– Let the best man win
– Believe in Santa Claus
– Throw marshmallows against the wall
– Hold an ice cube as long as possible
– Adopt strange mannerisms
– Blow up a balloon until it pops
– Sing soft and sweet and clear
– Sing loud and sour and gravely
– Open everything
– Balance a pencil on your nose
– Pour milk in your shoes
– Write graffiti under the rug
– Embarrass yourself
– Grind your teeth
– Chew ice
– Count your belly button
– Sit in a row
– Stack crumbs
– Gesture
– Save your toenail clippings
– Make a pass at your blender
– Punt
– Make up words that start with X
– Make oatmeal in the bathtub
– Search for the Lost Chord
– Chew on a sofa cushion
– Sing a duet
– Balance a pillow on your head
– Hold your breath
– Faint
– Stretch
– Flash your mailman
– Teach your TA English
– Learn to speak Farsi
– Swear in Russian
– Use an eraser until it goes away
– Disassemble your car
– Put it together inside out
– Record your walls
– Interview your feet
– Make a list of your favorite fungi
– Sell formaldehyde
– Repeat
– Ad lib
– Fade
– File your teeth – Whine
– Rake your carpet
– Re-elect Richard Nixon
– Critique “Three’s Company”
– Listen to a painting
– Play with matches
– Buff your cat
– Race ferrets
– Paint your house…Day-Glow Orange
– Have a formal dinner at White Castle
– Read Homer in the original Greek
– Learn Greek
– Change your mind
– Change it back
– Watch the sun…see if it moves
– Build a pyramid
– Stand on your head
– Stand on someone else’s head
– Spit shine your Nikes
– See how long you can stay awake
– See how long you can sleep
– Paint your teeth
– Wear a salad
– Speak with a forked tongue
– Paint stripes on a lake
– Ski Kansas
– Sleep in freefall
– Kill a Joule
– Test thin ice…with a pogo stick
– Apply for a unicorn hunting license
– Do a good job
– Crawl
– Invite the Mansons over for dinner
– Paint your windows
– Watch a watch until it stops
– Flash your goldfish
– Paint
– Flirt with an evergreen
– Smile
– Rotate your garden…daily
– Paint a smile
– Shoot a fire hydrant
– Apologize to it
– Pretend you’re blind
– Annoy yourself
– Get mad at yourself
– Stop speaking to yourself
– Be a side effect
– Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley
– Duck
– Redecorate…your garage
– Develop a complex
– Join the Army…be someone simple
– Try harder
– Hit the deck
– Put leg-warmers on your furniture
– Cut the deck
– Crumple
– Translate Shakespeare into English
– Skydive to church
– Cheer up a potato
– Do aerobic exercises…in your head
– Play cards with your swimming pool
– Pinstripe your driveway
– Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
– Harness chipmunk power
– Build a house with ice cubes
– Call London for a cab
– Mug a stop sign
– Change your name…daily
– Go for a walk in your attic
– Challenge your neighbor to a duel
– Build a house out of toothpicks
– Howl
– Wear a lampshade on your head
– Memorize the dictionary
– Stomp grapes in the bathtub
– Find a bug and chase it
– Make yourself a pair of wings
– Be immobile
– Dance ’til you drop
– Check under chairs for chewing gum
– Squish a loaf of bread
– Moo
– Bounce a potato
– Outmaneuver your shadow
– Climb the walls
– Appreciate everything
– Challenge yourself to a duel
– Make napalm
– Tattoo your dresser
– Watch a bowling ball
– Buy some diapers
– Eat everything
– Begin
– Pour milk in the sink
– Make cottage cheese
– Tie-dye your sheets
– Carpet your ceiling
– Hold your earlobes
– Fold your earlobes
– Flap
– Squawk
– Read tea leaves
– Analyze the Koran
– Be Buddha
– Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
– Plug in the cat
– Turn on everything
– Drop pebbles down the chimney
– Turn off your neighbor
– Kill a plant
– Buy a 1931 Almanac
– Memorize the weather section
– Think lewd thoughts about yourself
– Blow bubbles
– Send chills down your spine
– Peel grapes
– Make paper from the skins
– Bloat
– Catch them with your radiator
– Get run over by a train of thought
– Make up famous sayings
– Bite your pinkie – Get your dog braces
– Shave a shrub
– Have a proton fight
– Watch a car rust
– Quiver
– Rotate your carpet
– Learn to type…with your toes
– Set up your Christmas tree in April
– Be someone special
– Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
– Mail it to a friend
– Go back to square one
– Factor your social security number
– Take the fifth
– Memorize a series of random numbers
– Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
– Join the Foreign Legion
– Learn Sanskrit
– Exist…existentially, of course
– Print counterfeit Confederate money
– Kick a cabbage
– Take a picture
– Put it back
– Sandpaper a mushroom
– Play solitaire…for cash
– Abuse your patio furniture
– Run for Pope
– Count to a million…fast
– Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
– Commit seppuku…with a paper knife
– Revert
– Think shallow thoughts
– Starch your shoes
– Polish your Calvin’s
– Contemplate a cockroach
– Get a dog to chase your car
– Let him catch it
– Investigate the Czar
– Form a political party
– Climb a sidewalk
– Have a political party
– Get diagonal…with a good friend
– Ride a loaf of bread
– Sharpen a carrot
– Interrogate a gerbil
– Go bow hunting for Toyotas
– Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
– Jump back
– Play to lose
– Scalp a street light
– Have your car painted…plaid
– Read a tomato
– Sharpen your sleeping skills
– Watch a game show…take notes
– Put out a fire
– If you can’t find a fire, make one
– Interview a cloud
– Play tiddlywinks…go for blood
– Play basketball…in a minefield
– Don’t talk to things
– Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
– Have your cat bronzed
– Have your gerbil gilded
– Write books about writing books
– Create random equations
– Mispell words
– Tell your feet a joke
– Throw a tomato into a fan
– Sing the ABC song backwards
– Pretend you’re a dog
– Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
– Grease the doorknobs
– String up a room
– Stack furniture
– Relive fond memories
– Tie your shoelaces together
– Gargle
– Count your teeth with your tongue
– Decay
– Find your half-life
– Design a better toilet seat
– Shred a newspaper
– Have a headache
– Scratch
– Sniff
– Hatch an egg
– Play air guitar
– Act profound
– Spill
– Spell
– Stare
– Truncate
– Slouch
– Develop hearing problems
– Put your feet behind your head
– Tie bows in everything
– Hold your hand
– Watch the minute hand move
– Grow your fingernails
– Pretend you’re a telephone
– Ring
– Radiate
– Skip
– Play hopscotch…with real scotch
– Clock the velocity of your REMs
– Put your shoes on the opposite feet
– Cross your toes
– Roll your tongue
– Crystallize
– Baby oil the floor
– Hide
– Attack innocent bunnies
– Declare war
– Destroy a tree
– Hide the scrabble bag
– Seduce your stick shift
– Wink
– Memorize the periodic table
– Mummify
– Pretend you’re a roadie
– Buy a Ginsu knife
– Collect electrons
– Correct typos that aren’t there
– Polish your neck…use Pledge
– Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
– Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car
– Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
– Count the bags under Walter Mondale’s eyes
– Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
– Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
– Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. “Drink milk”)
– Dress like Motley Crue…surprise your grandmother
– Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they’re wrong
– Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
– Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
– Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn’t one before
– Walk on water…but don’t get caught
– Confess to a crime…that didn’t happen
– Be in the wrong place at the right time
– Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
– Request covert assistance from the CIA
– Discover the source of the Mississippi
– Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska
– Hot wax the bottom of your brother’s dress shoes
– Preach the philosophy of Marx…Groucho, that is
– Drink as much prune juice as you can
– Write a book about your previous life
– Serve ping-pong balls…as hors d’oeuvres
– Jump up and down…on your alarm clock
– Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
– Sterilize your stereo…with Jack Daniels
– Carve you and your girlfriend’s initials…in a marshmallow
– Drive the speed limit…in your garage
– Sing the national anthem…during your calculus final
– Wear a three-piece suit…in a sauna
– Pay off the national debt…with a bad check
– Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
– Give yourself a hernia…for Christmas
– Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
– Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster
– See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
– Go to McDonald’s and pretend you can’t speak English
– Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good
– job they’re doing…On April 1st
– Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
– Take apart all your major kitchen appliances…mix and match them
– Turn your TV picture tube upside down
– Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
– Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
– Carry a tune…drop it, see if it breaks
– Be planar…but don’t tell your parents
– Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck
– Make a deal with the devil…but keep your fingers crossed
– Put instant concrete in your big brother’s waterbed
– Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
– Debate politics with a fern
– See how small you can scrunch your face – Sell firewood door to door…in
Atlantis
– Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
– Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
– Raise professional certified racing turnips
– Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
– Lead an aerobics class…for patients of the I.C.U.
– Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
– Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
– Send President Reagan an alarm clock…wind it up first
– Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch
– Send your goldfish to obedience school
– Free the oppressed toasters of America
– Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
– Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave
– Park your car…with a friend
– Park your car…with a group of friends
– Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
– Place it on the wall of your office
– Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population…solve for x)
– Contribute to the population problem
– Wear a T-shirt that says “I’ll walk on you to see The Who” and a peace sign
– Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
– Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
– Get Ronco and K-tel to merge…they sell the same stuff anyway
– Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
– Play with anything that looks interesting
– Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
– See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
– Try to ignite water…the Mississippi might work
– Draw Venn diagrams…screw them up
– State fallacies as fact (like, “peanuts grow on bushes”)
– Visit the Architecture building…loudly criticize its design
– Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
– Wallpaper your laundry room…with pages from books you don’t like
– See if diamonds really do cut glass…on everything in your neighbor’s house
– Tenderize your tongue…chew on it for a while
– See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light…try green
– Bronze your sister’s turtle
– See how long it takes for her to notice
– See what she does when she notices
– Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
– Increase your territorial holdings by force
– Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
– Boldly go where no man has gone before
– Be a threat to the American way of life
– Do research into the cause of World War III
– Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
– Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Pittsburgh
-Actually read this.

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